Della Rootues

photographer / filmmaker / writer

BIOGRAPHY

When a Waterer’s Well Becomes Dry I woke up because it was God’s will and not necessarily mine. I think often how every day that comes brings me closer to my last day here; simply because I am old, and not necessarily from adding up the bad things that have happened to me in my life, which outnumbered the good things only in quantity but not in quality.

I woke up this morning, which would have been my mother’s 100 th birthday. I acknowledged her with sincerity and agape love. Trying not to cry these mixed tears of love, grief, joy, sadness, life’s confusion, loneliness, and then I became so depressed. I prayed for God not to let me cry, with fear that if I started crying, I would never stop.

As I finally started to clean my home, I felt better, because cleanliness is a sense of therapy for me. After washing each dish, energy drained from me emotionally instead of rejuvenating me. Like I was vicariously trying to wash away internal invisible injuries. I literally ended up slumping over the sink when I rinsed the last dish. Exhausted mentally and physically, I walked slowly to my bed and collapsed, with depression-filled tears strolling down my face.

I lay in that sunken dark place long enough to know that another depressive episode was emerging, and demanding all of my attention, rendering me incapable of doing anything productive.

While l lay in my uncomfortable bed, I noticed a sharp pain between my shoulder blades behind heart, it felt like I was being stabbed in my back every time that I exhaled. Then I noticed another sharp throbbing pain in the middle of my head every time that I inhaled, that moved behind my eyes and effected my vision; momentarily, I could not see or think, or move.

Yes, it was another panic attack attacking my existence! I tried to get up, but feeling dizzy, I just sat on the edge of my bed, silent, crying, motionless, in a meltdown, in crippling pain, frozen in that sunken dark place. I knew that my blood pressure had increased due to life’s current pressures of living.

I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease stage 3 last month, which explained recent internal organs pain and malfunctions.

My well-being has not been so well lately, I am in remission for 18 months, following chemotherapy that literally almost killed me immediately when it entered my blood line, and I had an allergic reaction and stopped breathing. Radiation therapy was a problem too, it damaged some of my organs, resulting in loose stools, so embarrassing that I had a very hard time explaining this problem to medical providers. Can’t killed more than my body, it killed my pride and will to thrive too, but God! But God delivered me through it all and healed me.

I have to take medication for hypertension, fibromyalgia, poly arthritis, insomnia, neuropathy, loose stools, mood disorders, hypercalcemia and chronic kidney disease. My well was so dry like a desert. I often felt like I was on a desert island surrounded by water, but I could not get close enough to the water to have my body replenished or cleansed or my spirit’s thirst quenched.

Only God could fill my well this time. Finally, my prayers were answered, as my internal life source light began to brighten again, my energy grew stronger, my mind responded through wisdom again, depression was lifted off of me, I was able to overcome fear, and through resilience I was able to live my life again; able to love and be loved again. To God be the glory! The universe favored me. My well was amazingly functioning fully again, at sixty-four years old.

I am also still recovering from falling down a flight of stairs almost two years ago, resulting in a broken right (dominant) hand, sciatica nerve damage, concussion, bruised body, a body that was still recovering from a major surgery and from depression. Recovery has been painful, shameful and slow. With gratitude I thank God, medical teams, my family, friends and my ancestors for caring for me and carrying me for so long. After being independent all of my life, having to depend on others was a extremely difficult and humbling experience! Being watered, cared for by others was showers of blessings that I desperately needed to survive. Wow I was a waterer all of my life, but very seldom had I been watered by others. I was used to being the “healer” modern day term counselor. It felt so good to have and acknowledge these life sustaining lines waterers too.

My well of life is naturally drying up. The natural order of living and dying is manifesting in my life, sometimes I don’t like it, it has its ups and downs.

Hunger literally got me up; I hadn’t eaten much all week. I was barely able to prepare a meal, lacking energy to do so. I began praying some more and made a small meal, which I consumed with gratitude wrapped inside of my sadness.

I’m a waterer, I water others who are in need to obtain their basic needs and some of their desires, by encouraging activation of their healing and resilience process, so that they can become self-sufficient and pay it forward.

But when my well is low, I have to rest and focus primarily on my well-being, until I am able to give of myself again. Well, my well is almost dry now, I am 65 years old and I have lived a full and productive life, which I humbly value being a waterer as one of my greatest attributes, artist talents, gifts, and powers of blessings from God.

When my well is dry, my journey here will be done. I will leave this place and hopefully elevate to a better, higher dimension in the universe. A good, humble and faithful servant of humanity.

Della Rootues 7/4/2024

QUALIfiCATIONS

  • Photography

  • Painting

  • Published Writer

  • Art Teacher

  • Art Therapist

  • Google Local Guide

  • Minor in Art

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